Winter Blues

Ironically, this is Morning 5 after what has been an exhausting work week, and I'm wide awake. I know the attendance here is pretty sparse but I really just felt like making a comment this morning.

I want to apologize to anyone who I've tired with my incessant complaining and general bad attitude concerning this winter weather. My area has been covered no less than a foot deep since mid-December and I'll admit it's especially getting to me this year.

Last year was the beginning of a new age of my life, an age where I finally took serious actions to eliminate my anxiety, and part of this was arranging various factors in my life so that I had better control over them and was therefore able to keep away from things that made me panic. And it was working.

This December was the first time that the weather actually got between me and my everyday duties, and it was totally beyond my control. I had been so in control for so long, and I couldn't deal with it. I felt like 2005 all over again.

I don't ever want to feel like that again. But I'm still working on it, with the support of God and my two favourite boys. For now, every time someone tells me they heard we're due for another blizzard I roll my eyes and pray I haven't booked any shifts for that night. I may have posted last year around this time regarding my near-accident and how my aunt died in a winter collision in Ottawa when she was 27, but suffice it to say I don't enjoy driving this time of year.

I need to remember that just because something is out of my control does not make me powerless. Nothing is worth anxiety. And as I have recently come to learn, it IS entirely possible to have caution without anxiety. Caution with anxiety is fear. My goal is to live without fear.

I pray all my friends and family will understand this and accept my apology. I look forward to trying to maintain a more positive attitude in ALL seasons.